The lover and the Pumpkin*

© Copyright Stephen Grey, 2008

(An Australian tale of love greed and terrible perfidy)
Apologies to both William and lewis

Shall I compare thee to a summers day
or even a woman?
Thou art more temperate than either
And ,lasting longer, can’st then
be taken lovingly in my arms as oft as I desire:
Gracious when captured from the wilds of the breezy meadow
Thou art less plaintiff and more down to earth.

Truly a worthy companion
ready to go and grow in almost any place
cheerfully waving your multitudinous
hands with grace .
In wind hail or shine
growing bigger and more handsome all the time;
till finally, at seasons end,
your voluptuous curves maketh thee an attractive friend.

Your skin so smooth with glossy sheen
Your bulging muscles strong and clean
Your castellated curvatures are so glamorous
It’s enough to make one really quite amorous.

Upon occasion your smooth bulges
are so nice and very curvatious
It’s quite enough to make an ordinary man
really quite flirtatious!

Oh Dearest Pumpkin I do love you so
Won’t you keep me company for a month or so?
You can stay in the kitchen anywhere you please
And watch me cook potatoes and peas.

Then we can have tea
and lots of honey and cake
I could even give you lessons
In how to slice and bake.

Then we could try a bit of sour cream
perhaps fry some croutons too
so when it’s time to make some soup
you’ll know just what to do!

When we’ve fried the onions
And the water’s ready and hot
You can have such a nice hot bath
By going in the pot.

******

Oh Pumpkin dear
Why do you look so harried?
It’s just preparations for our wedding feast
When we get happily married

You and I will be forever one
In a union most digestive
And that is what always becomes
Of a veggie so culinarily suggestive

I’m telling you this now
To put you in the loop
cause it’s only fair to let you know
You are going to be in the soup

“Alas Alas Alas” she cried
Perturbed at last her fate espied
It’s really so unfair
There are lots of other Veggies here
“why me ? I just raised the chopper
She shed a bitter tear
And this was odd because
Pumpkins are not even in season
at this time of the year!