Kev's Ute

© Copyright 2009 Craig Nelson

Kevin has a ute.
What does Malcolm drive,
A roller, a beamer,
Or take a taxi ride?

I thought they had Com-cars,
With drivers 24-7,
But, it seems, to have a ute
Is a liberal notion of heaven.

The richest man in parliament
Versus one with the richest wife,
If Malcolm doesn't have a ute,
He hasn't had a life.

A touch of Aussie envy
From an eastern suburbs swell?
Even if he had a ute,
Could he drive it well?

Imagine either of them
Sculling rum until they fall
Into swags, in the tray of the ute,
At a bachelor and spinsters' ball.

Throwing doughnuts in a paddock,
With 15 mates aboard,
Spotting for kangaroos,
Because that's what utes are for.

For awhile, I thought them real blokes,
Despite impressions from afar -
They used a week of question time
To debate the merits of a car.

Then, upon reflection,
I made a pretty harsh call:
Kevin's ute is a Mazda -
Nothin' Australian in that at all.