To 'the ladies'

© Copyright Pip Wilson, 2010

When I was in fear of losing my livelihood
Because I came into work a bit tired one morning,
And said to two of my colleagues,
Who I thought were my friends,
"Good morning ladies",
And they railed against me most fearsomely,
And hissed at me, and threatened to report me to Management,
I, being quite a quick learner, quickly learned to say
"Good morning women", or "Good morning womyn",
However it is spelled,
So, whenever I came into work tired,
And perhaps not thinking completely clearly,
Or not tired,
Or into any social situation where females were present,
I leaned how to speak.
Because I am a coward, but also I know
On which side my bread is buttered.
Because if I was dismissed from that horrible job,
I would not have been able to pay my rent,
Nor my grocery bills, my electricity, phone and Internet,
Nor buy my children food, nor clothes, nor birthday gifts,
And I would have been evicted, and homeless.
So I learned the correct manner of diction.
Because, also, I do not care much for living under bridges.

I've had too many mates who've lived under bridges,
And they assure me it’s not as good as it sounds.

So when I hear womyn call each other
"Girls", "chicks", "ladies", "girlfriends" and "bitches",
I thank Providence
And my own sense of pride, cunning, tenacity and strength,
And my uncanny ability to survive
Almost all "kicks against the pricks",
As the Good Book calls it in the Authorised Version,
That I still have a mind that works – quite well, if I might say so myself,
And that I have never been evicted from any home,
Never had my electricity cut off,
Never had my phone cut off,
And, believe it or not,
I have never, ever missed a meal in my life,
Unless I was on a fast,
Done for my own purification
And for a dash of reasonableness in the world.

And I have never lost a job for a slip of the tongue --
I have only lost a job or two
For what I considered then, and consider now
Very deliberate, honest, reasoned, reasonable assertions of the tongue.

Goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight. http://tinyurl.com/chp9ou